Former NFL cornerback Wade Davis shares his coming out story with Westminster College students

Davis discusses his work with the You Can Play Project

Former NFL cornerback Wade Davis shares his coming out experience with Westminster College students Monday night. He is the executive director of the You Can Play Project, an organization focused on ending discrimination, sexism and homophobia in sports.
Former NFL cornerback Wade Davis shares his coming out experience with Westminster College students Monday night. He is the executive director of the You Can Play Project, an organization focused on ending discrimination, sexism and homophobia in sports.

When former NFL cornerback Wade Davis came out as gay, he told his sister first and his mom second. Davis said his mother needed time to adjust.

"She said "I wish you were dying of cancer rather than telling me you're gay," Davis said. "I didn't get upset ... I knew at that moment my mother experienced a death. A death of the son she thought she was going to have."

Davis said all parents have dreams for how their children's lives will turn out. His mother dreamed for him to have a wife and kids and a white picket fence. When he told her he was gay, Davis said that dream his mother had for him died.

"People grieve very differently," Davis said. "My mother said a lot of awful thing to me (at the time), but I gave her the space to grieve because I knew she needed that."

Today, Davis describes his mother and his partner as best friends.

Davis - now an advocate, public speaker and educator on gender, race and orientation equality - spoke to students at Westminster College Monday night about his journey. He shared his experiences and discussed his role as executive director of the You Can Play Project, an organization focused on ending discrimination, sexism and homophobia in sports. In that role, Davis develops programming, which focuses on inclusion and diversity.

Davis speaks to schools, professional athletes and teams and other organizations.

"I think it's able to spark thought and conversations amongst people," Davis said.

Davis came out after he was already retired from the NFL. He said his now former NFL teammates have never treated him differently for being gay.

During his last year playing with the Redskins, Davis said he and other members of the team sat down with Champ Bailey to talk about technique. They watched video footage of themselves playing football and Bailey gave them feedback. He talked a lot about wasted motion in their back pedal. While watching himself on screen, Davis said his mind was focused elsewhere and he kept thinking the same thing.

""Wow, Wade, you're really standing gay,'" Davis thought to himself at the time. ""Wow, you're walking gay.' And the tape keeps playing and I'm thinking, "You're running gay.'"

At the time, Davis had not come out as gay to family, friends, teammates or fans. He said he spent a lot of his time trying to fool everybody into thinking he was straight.

"Even though Champ was talking about wasted motion in my back pedal, I (thought about) wasted motion in my life." Davis said. "The fact that I could never show up as myself, that every day of my life I was worried about if any of you thought I was gay. If any of my friends would treat me differently because I was gay... That was wasted motion."

Before coming out, Davis said he did what he could to convince everyone he was straight. He always had a girlfriend, and in high school he often openly bullied the only openly gay boy at school.

"He was the only openly gay kid, that takes courage," Davis said

When Davis got to college, he had the courage to ask a boy from class if he could kiss him. After he and his new friend kissed, Davis left.

He didn't talk to the boy again because he realized he could no longer say he was just confused - he knew he was gay.

And, just like his mother, the dream Davis had of what his life would look like changed. Davis said he just needed time to adjust and learn to love himself.

He had always pictured himself with a wife and kids. At first, Davis thought being gay meant not being able to have children of his own.

"For me, at first believing I couldn't have kids," Davis said. "There was a moment of time I thought, "Wow, I'm never going to be a father.' I always thought I'd be a really good father."

Davis said he knows now he can be a father - a realization that he said felt like he reunited with an old friend.

"(It felt) warm and nostalgic in a way," Davis said. "I really thought it was never going to happen."